Same-Sex Relationships are Unstable: Fact or Fiction?
FICTION. Purely. In fact, it doesn’t only belong on the Fiction Shelf, it belongs to the section where the cat in the hat carries a plate of green eggs. I wouldn’t go as far to say that people (who think that Same Sex relationships are inherently unstable) are ignorant or bigoted, but I suppose they need some form of enlightenment. And that, my dear readers (if any), is the purpose of this next blog.
I just got back 2 days ago from New Orleans, where I met up with a very good (straight, or still straight ) friend (Nina) and attended the Gay Mardi Gras called Southern Decadence (more details about this if I have time to blog it).
Nina and I have not met for several years, and we reminisced a lot about our life in Manila. Amidst all the half naked men, the rainbow flags, the french Donuts, and the smell of liquor on the street — Nina pulled me close to her to and said "I remember our time in Manila, I was the straight one with an unstable relationship, while the rest of you guys (see coronforever.com to see who they are) all had solid and stable ones." I’m paraphrasing of course, but the thought is nevertheless the same.
Fast forward to my arrival back in LA, where 2 straight male friends — in separate conversations — tell me that they think that same-sex relationships are inherently, unavoidably, UNSTABLE. They are gay-friendly, yes, but they think gay-relationships are somehow doomed to be short-term, or at least, with a definite end.
At this point allow us to profile these 3 friends, to understand my arguments better:
(1) Nina has always been around gay and lesbian couples.
(2) Dude-A, was one of the hottest guys in the Manila Gay scene, until he decided to get married to a girl.
(3) Dude-B, is married. Period.
Of course, I should not mention that these friends are all brilliant and openminded (hello? that’s why they are my "friends" hehehe), so we should eliminate bigotry or ignorance as a source of their conclusions.
Let’s deconstruct the Dude-A & B’s opinions now.
(1) Gay relationships are unstable because they are unlikely to have children. A crucial element for the relationship/marriage to last after the passion dies.
- Yes this is true, ONLY IF you are willing to concede that Straight Couples who do not have children (by choice or circumstance) suffer the same fate. So the "instability" of a long term marriage, using this proposition, depends on having a child, and NOT the sexes of the couples.
- Shall we now pull out statistics and percentages of straight married couples/parents that have ended in divorce? Compare that to same-sex unions. Do the math, and try to spell "INSTABILITY".
(2) Same-sex relationships are unstable because SEX (slash-infidelity) is more rampant.
While it takes a lot of schmoozing, dating, flowers, and other feudal devices and medieval courting practices to get a straight couple in bed together, gay men can simply unzip, bang, and leave. They are simply more prone to relationship disaster.
- Somehow true. But isn’t one side of the straight-couple a "male" as well. And males, straight or gay, being testosterone-driven mammals, are always and everywhere likely to have sex without love/courting. How many straight married men have had mistresses, prostitutes, and casual encounters? 99% I think. 99% have done it, and 1% are lying.
Indeed it is easier for gay men, because both are men and can easily do it in restrooms, theaters, and wherever — heck, you don’t even have to ask his name. But in a world where women are increasingly becoming as sexually open as men, will the gay-sex-advantage even last?
And if same-sex couples are inherently prone to sex because of the testerone driven nature of their bodies, how about lesbian couples? They should be (and many times they are) the most stable of relationships.
Now, try arguing again.
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I’m off to work, so I have to cut this short.
In short, then, the 3 people I have mentioned only go to show that no relationship, gay or straight, is not INHERENTLY UNSTABLE. It all depends on your point of view (Dude-B), your experiences (as in Dude-A, who had very bad experiences with selfish lovers), and your environment/friends/family/exposure (like Nina).
Moreover, a society stressing "same-sex relationships are unstable" is self-fulfilling its own misinformed and cruel assertions, by depriving loving same-sex couples avenues in which to show, concretize, demonstrate, and celebrate their love (i.e. not enough positive gay experiences or personalities shown in media, no legal marriages for gay couples, restricted adoption policies, etc) . With all these negative influences on gay couples (which straight couples don’t have to deal with), do you think it is fair that the spotlight focus on the gay relationships that fail and simply blame it on their INHERENT structure?
September 10th, 2006 at 8:39 pm
This faulty premise leads me back to my (faultless) theory that heterosexual relationships are made easier by the traditional roles of society which dictate that, even when the love, passion and sex are gone, women keep the house and take care of the children while the men work for a living. While gay couples do not have pre-defined roles, and aren’t even recognized by law (and hence are not bound by it), it’s so easy to say that gay relationships are “unstable” — when in fact they are just SINCERE and TRUTHFUL. We do not hide behind the guise of male-female roles, the excuse of children (oh please, fuck your kids up with your horrible marriage, why don’t you?), or the fable that is male fidelity. If a heterosexual person calls that unstable, I would likely not believe him/her, because the last thing he or she would be is honest. Relationships last because of commitment, regardless of age, sex or species. Amen.
September 12th, 2006 at 7:13 am
Nope. Not saying same-sex relationships are inherently unstable. I do, however, agree on Kia’s perspective about how societal framework
selfishly robs gay couples off a substrate to which the relationship can anchor itself while learning how to deal with bees buzzing around eager to pick someone else’s honey. And Gio, yeah, men regardless of orientation are driven by the bunch of limited mindless Y-linked genes all focused on how to get it on and fast. So you see, it is REALLY difficult to make a gay relationship last long in this world. Though I can deeply empathize with Dude-A, maybe I can change the mind of Dude-B. What do u say? :p
September 12th, 2006 at 7:14 am
Nope. Not saying same-sex relationships are inherently unstable. I do, however, agree on Kia’s perspective about how societal framework
selfishly robs gay couples off a substrate to which the relationship can anchor itself while learning how to deal with bees buzzing around eager to pick someone else’s honey. And Gio, yeah, men regardless of orientation are driven by the bunch of limited mindless Y-linked genes all focused on how to get it on and fast. So you see, it is REALLY difficult to make a gay relationship last long in this world. Though I can deeply empathize with Dude-A, maybe I can change the mind of Dude-B. What do u say? :p Okay, off to bed now. Damn, ‘can’t even hold up to two mugs of beer now. Gaa I’m old.
September 14th, 2006 at 4:33 pm
DENNIS - Why is there an ad of a “Create Your Own Free Zwinky” after your post? Did you deliberately do that? Or is it an online conspiracy to cast a twinky cloud over your otherwise masculine profile? Hehehe.
October 26th, 2006 at 5:39 am
Not twinky. Zwinky. It adds more curlz to the twink. :p Miss you.